Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
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