i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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