i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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