In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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