I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
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im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
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She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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