At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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