Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
