Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
