the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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