she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
