wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
