His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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