The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
