I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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