she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
