I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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