My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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