I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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