Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i drank out of a bidet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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