I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
