I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's blow job season.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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