Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
