when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
