I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
