Apparently you make a good broom.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
