Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
