check it out our google latitudes are spooning
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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