Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Ketchup is God's man juice
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
