Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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