i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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