Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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