So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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