She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
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She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
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Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me