This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
