Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating

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  (949): either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating http://tfl.nu/qtb8
  Replies (6) Good night (3084) Bad night (674)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?

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  (330): I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going? http://tfl.nu/4uq9
  Replies (49) Good night (1318) Bad night (20890)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.

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  (407): I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule. http://tfl.nu/aidv
  Replies (6) Good night (2665) Bad night (823)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper

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  (303): she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper http://tfl.nu/xl5z
  Replies (89) Good night (10138) Bad night (1868)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?

  (813): View more from Florida

  Nah, just masturbating louder

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  (239): Is it weird being in the house without any roommates? (813): Nah, just masturbating louder http://tfl.nu/cjwy
  Replies (7) Good night (5517) Bad night (1167)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.

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  (425): i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life. http://tfl.nu/aawj
  Replies (15) Good night (1884) Bad night (5421)
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  (310): View more from California

  My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.

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  (310): My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in. http://tfl.nu/bth8
  Replies (14) Good night (1346) Bad night (2904)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.

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  (917): Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you. http://tfl.nu/j1py
  Replies (6) Good night (3596) Bad night (1051)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.

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  (816): This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out. http://tfl.nu/wupp
  Replies (8) Good night (2453) Bad night (1066)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.

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  (801): Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted. http://tfl.nu/qkeh
  Replies (1) Good night (1152) Bad night (467)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.

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  (210): Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married. http://tfl.nu/tr6n
  Replies (13) Good night (1124) Bad night (708)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.

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  (985): I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on. http://tfl.nu/xcia
  Replies (11) Good night (696) Bad night (2089)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.

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  (860): I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were. http://tfl.nu/p58y
  Replies (1) Good night (621) Bad night (414)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.

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  (505): I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again. http://tfl.nu/j8uj
  Replies (0) Good night (530) Bad night (383)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  so much tequila, so little girl.

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  (406): so much tequila, so little girl. http://tfl.nu/z6if
  Replies (2) Good night (406) Bad night (247)

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