Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(702): View more from Nevada

It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.

(775): View more from Nevada

Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????

(702): View more from Nevada

God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.

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(702): It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway. (775): Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ???? (702): God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight. http://tfl.nu/me93

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(510): View more from California

he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.

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(510): he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted. http://tfl.nu/vxmy

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...

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(612): I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person... http://tfl.nu/4pvh

Replies (25) Good night (4501) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
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(720): View more from Colorado

i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.

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(720): i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there. http://tfl.nu/dzaj

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(425): View more from Washington

You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.

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(425): You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option. http://tfl.nu/ipw1

Replies (34) Good night (9938) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
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(802): View more from Vermont

my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...

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(802): my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night... http://tfl.nu/tx5p

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.

(1-423): View more from Tennessee

I honestly don't know what to make of that.

(423): View more from Tennessee

A ham sandwich would be nice.

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(423): I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich. (1-423): I honestly don't know what to make of that. (423): A ham sandwich would be nice. http://tfl.nu/fg3s

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(702): View more from Nevada

So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"

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(702): So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this" http://tfl.nu/lsrz

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(406): View more from Montana

Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar

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(406): Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar http://tfl.nu/9n3o

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(614): View more from Ohio

It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming

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(614): It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming http://tfl.nu/8wbb

Replies (4) Good night (1921) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
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(760): View more from California

I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?

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(760): I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways? http://tfl.nu/qqdu

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(416): View more from Toronto

I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.

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(416): I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn. http://tfl.nu/iixt

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(423): View more from Tennessee

They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.

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(423): They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire. http://tfl.nu/4291

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(515): View more from Iowa

I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.

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(515): I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower. http://tfl.nu/kyot

Replies (20) Good night (951) Bad night (1921) Order T-Shirt
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(714): View more from California

I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?

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(714): I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason? http://tfl.nu/9wpk

Replies (7) Good night (478) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt

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