It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.