Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
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I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.