Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone