HIV tests are more positive than that guy
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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