I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
