He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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