My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize