so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
