Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
