I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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