i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
