you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
