I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
