I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
