# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Enjoy the penises
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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