I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Enjoy the penises
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
