I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
