so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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