I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
