coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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