First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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