Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
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He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She needs sedatives and a leash
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There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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