Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
