is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
