Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
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I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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