So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
do herpes really smell.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
