So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
