You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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