i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
