you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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