there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
