I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i think im in europe. pls send help
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
