he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
