At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
